Celiac is all about the wheat, and the rye and the barley..

Basically, it is all about food. These days my life revolves around food. It evolves around it too!
A few weeks before Thanksgiving, I received some very disturbing news. It seems that my severe joint pain and over all exhaustion and nutrition deficiencies were related to my diet. But not like I thought it was. I imagined them saying, you have been ingesting chemicals, toxins and now your nerves are destroyed. You can imagine my surprise when I heard, the gluten in your diet is destroying you. When my dr wanted to test me for the gene, I thought he was crazy. But I said, sure, what harm can it do?
Hearing the words celiac was a shock, an utter and complete shock. I barely heard the rest of our conversation and I really don’t remember much even now. I was handed a pile of papers on things like , where it is hiding, what foods have it and what foods are safe. I didn’t know that soy sauce had wheat in it. I was told to call back and make an appt with their nurse to go over all the foods and get some basic information. I have yet to call. In the meanwhile, we had Thanksgiving and then after that was insane work. I am pretty well booked solid for the next two and a half weeks.
I have to go out of town with work next week. I am really nervous about how to manage this. At home it is simple. I have rice crackers, rice pasta, making my own bread, (I will have to talk about that one later, adventures in baking) and have safe cereals. My desk holds some nice Japanese meals, all gluten free. But I don’t know what I am going to do on this trip.
This experience has brought lots of stress, trying to do a holiday without ruining it for everyone. Trying to find out if any of my medications have gluten in them, looking at the ingredients of everything in my pantry. It really is just crazy.
But there has been great joy as well. I have waxed poetic over coconut flour. I have read books that were so much fun and so interesting. There is some really interesting people out there! Oh and when I left a message with a flour company, as I couldn’t get my flour delivered, I met the nicest person. She and I talked on the phone for nearly an hour about baking success or failures. She had some suggestions and tips for how to get the best out of their products. What was really nice was the fact that the person I was talking to, actually knew the author and talks to her almost daily. Real people, with real lives, making real food!
So, yes, it has been insanely stressful, but on the other hand, it has been kind of fun and kind of rewarding.

Breast Cancer is evil

today i am joining an Army of Women who are speaking out about Breast Cancer. By blogging about this worthy program, I hope to add my voice to a growing chorus about the importance of research on breast cancer. the Love/Army of women program is a unique program that allows women who have breast cancer and are receiving treatment, to voluntarily enroll in a research program. It also aloows those of us who are intersted, to provide information about things such as, if we recieved the depo provera injections, to track if we were to later on develope breast cancer. I am amazed at all the different ways there are for a person to participate in the process. I have a daughter and a son. I hope that one day, there will be no breast cancer, or no more deaths from it.

My stories of hope? my neighbor is a wonderful person. She has three daughters and one son. About 4 years ago, she found a lump. It turned out to be cancer. She had it removed, mastectomy and chemo and radiation. Now she is cancer free but she lives with the fear. Every cold, every day she feels rundown, she worries. Where i can just say, i must not be getting enough rest" when i am tired, she has to worry that she is experiencing a recurrence. It is not fair that she has beaten this disease, but can't leave it in the past.
My second story of hope? My employee is this sweet, kind person. Full of joy and grace. Raising a son who just started middle school. She found a lump, had a mastectomy, did chemo and radiation. She is trying to have reconstruction surgery. She too deals with the worry and the fear. It breaks my heart to see her worry. How does she do it? Where did this inner strength come from? I admire her strength but live in my own fear that it would happen to me or worse, to my children.
I urge you to consider joining the Army of Women fighting to take the bite out of this cancer. Please consider this your engraved invitation. and I pray for you all that you never hear those words or feel that lump. I pray for you and your loved ones, that breast cancer never effects someone you love either. God Bless you all.

Serious Work to be Done

Well i have to get off my duff and get my thighs in shape! I know that sounds like an obvious statement but it really isnt. I have to get the thighs in shape so that in december the hubby and i can head off to see Harry Potter at Universal studios. We plan to fly down and do the tourist thing. I also hope that the weather is perfect. I have to get busy and get fit so i can walk for longer than an hour. I want to be able to walk, see sights, shop and get around without having to stop all the time. I think if i work hard enough at it, i can actually get it done. I am hoping anyway. I do have a plan. My friend at work and i are going to go to the gym and do exercise specifically to increase muscle tone. then i plan on getting on the elliptical and then i plan on building endurance. i just hope to have things on track. she and i plan to hit the gym at least four days a week. we both have knee issues and we really want to be better. so we have a plan and maybe this will happen for us both.
I am also getting a exercise band to do extra work outs. and i am going to get this under control. once the lawsuit is officially settled and we can totally get out of debt, we will be set for the trip. we can go ahead and make our reservations. Life can be good soon.

Onto another topic. I am halfway done on my third prayer shawl. I have to get busy with it. It is for my friend Diva. Her mom is suffering from dementia related to MS. this is all about the Lord and some comfort and love. I think just knowing that someone out there, who never knows you, but still prays for you, is of enormous comfort. I hope it is anyway. I dont know who i am knitting for next. but its ok. I just pick out the yarn and the needles and the rest will follow. Two other shawls and this one, just pretty much presented its owner to me. it has been of tremendous faith and love and comfort even to me. I have recieved so much love and joy from doing it. I can really feel how much closer to God i have gotten just participating. it has so much return on investment!

Work is insane. I am so busy. My group has finished screenign and now i have to do follow up calls and mailings and then it is off to cost savings. over 500 people screened and it is going to be insane. but i like to be busy so that is good. I did a class at pwc and it went really well. I loved it. definitely in my element.
well, i ahve to go and get some never ending laundry. so off to the races.

Mood Swings, weather and more

I don't know that there is a theme to this entry. I am just looking over my day and thinking. I have discovered that knitting has set me free. By being able to self entertain, when we were housebound for the whole day, i was fine. In fact, it felt great. I was excited about being able to rest and relax and have a good reason to do nothing at all. I did the whole laundry thing, made dinner, cleaned up the house and so forth and so on. But really, i got alot done and had a great time. I puttered around the house, did some journalling and then i knitted. I finished my cap. It has turned out really good. Since i used a really small needle, the knit is really nice and tight and makes a really nice warm cap. I am excited about it. Once i get the few quirks down as far as the end and a nice ribbing, then i will be all set. I really like it.
My son and hubby were bored out of their skull over the weather. son went and played with friends finally and i have the frozen pop son. but he could not entertain himself. It was insane.
I am supposed to be taking this gosh awful osteoporosis medication on saturdays, but i forgot today. I am going to take it tomorrow and then start on saturdays next week. But it is really important that i start that medication now. I dont want to be crippled when i am old from a broken hip.
well, i have some journalling left to do. i am heading off. bye,

i do not like the cold

aquiring culture can be painful! We went to drop dtr off at school, then on the way home, I saw this little sign, Walnut Grove Plantation. So we decided to go and do the tour. It was this plantation from the time of independence /Revolutionary War times. We toured the house, kitchen and academy and then walk around the whole area. The house and such was not heated, and when we walked to the cemetary, whole cow! It was so cold under the shade of the trees. I had not put on gloves or my scarf, hubby in tshirt and workout pants with jacket no gloves. we were ice pops when it was done. we almost ran to the car. But it was alot of fun. There was only he and I and no kids. No one saying are we done? when do we eat? what are we buying at the gift shop? etc. We had no time table and it was to please ourselves. The night before we stayed at the Cherokee Harrah hotel, our room was smoke free but the entire casino is filled with smoke, so it meant nothing. it stank from the smoke. Our room was gorgeous with a huge king bed, recessed tub with whirlpool jets, it was beautiful. Also, i took pictures of the art in the hotel. I have some awesome photos. It had snowed out there. Which pretty much ruined all my plans. I wanted to take pics of the bears with the painting on them, but all the parking lots were snowed in or iced over and the shops were closed for the weather. so pretty much that was done. We went to the school to see dtr one last time and have b-fest together. It was insane cold. 11 degrees and we were so cold, it hurt. I do not want to feel that cold again ever! omg. it was horrible. I am tired of being cold. I really am. My bones hurt and my knees complain when it is cold. but on the plus side, i am knitting a really warm wool scarf with double knit, small needles size 8, so it is pretty gray, but tight knit so it should be really warm. I may have to send it to dtr at this rate. I worked on it on the drive home. I am going to need more yarn, given the tighter weave and using two strands. I need to pick that up tomorrow, i guess i am heading to the nearest Jo-Ann to pick it up. but it will be nice. I am playing around with the alternating 2knit 2 purl to make pattern.
Anyway, i am going to take a shower and get in my warm jammies and be comfy. I cant wait till son gets home and we are all safe and sound and cozy. (he is at his grandmother's waiting for her to get back from Mass, so he can come home. poor kid)

Why does a papercut hurt as bad as a slash?

I got this tiny little papercut on my right index finger. It is right where the cuticle meets the nail bed and hurts like a son of a bitch. I actually bled so much that i checked my blood sugar with it. and then, today, i had to put on a band aid to be able to tolerate it while doing laundry. I will point out that i did the cut on thursday morning and it is now Saturday night!

I played the Wii fit plus today. I was doing the hula hoop. I did okay, but no major moments there. I did the balance/focus thing, on the board. it is essentially meditation, and i do really well on that. basically my candle burned to the bottom. It was easy. I tried my hand at the obstacle course. I worked so hard, but i just got to the last second of the level three. I tried the snowball fight and i suck. I also attemted the segway thing. I suck. I don't get it, i am not able to steer and i cant aim with the wiimote. I am pathetic at it. but on the plus side, i did 30 minutes of activity and i weigh 126 now. i am really really happy with that weight. it was like, i caught my breath. I haven't seen that weight since i was three months preg with K. so long ago.
I was thinking my knees are in remission, so i tried not taking tramadol first thing in the morning. i was just taking it at night up till i had surgery, and my knees didnt hurt. so i thought, i am pretty much normal from surgery, so i could go back to just two at bedtime. but if i am going to be active , i need to take the tramadol and be active. i take the tramadol in the morning, and that way i can do some exercise and not be miserable. I took two a few minutes ago, it hasnt kicked in yet, but my knees are on fire. I really just have to find some sort of balance between being active and having pain control.
I also have two thoughts on the whole weight loss thing. I lost alot of weight, nearly ten pounds due to the whole gallbladder thing. so, i am not eating normal yet, but i am trying to keep off the weight i lost. I know it was lost by just not eating, but i want to make sure that in the act of getting back to normal, i dont gain back the weight you know? I want to get down to my supposed ideal weight, which is 119. I think i could look good weighing less than that, but i dont want to drive myself nuts you know? i already doing that as it is. but I want to keep off what i lost while being sick and continue to lose more. i just want to be healthy.

I finally have a date for my deposition for my court case. I am sooo glad to have that date. I am insanely nervous about it, but i want to get it over with. I wish it was in January, but it isnt until feb 25th. the court date is April. I would love it if we went to mediation and just settled. cross your fingers on that.

We had an awesome time at the New Years Eve party. We went over to friends, Joel and Robyn's house, which is only a few miles from here. It was so much fun. People playing pool and ping pong and Wii and people playing guitar, grilling food. drinking beer and standing around talking. It was awesome. I discovered that more and more, there are really cool people at my church. Really funny thing, so Joel has all these awesome tatoo and i was asking him about them, and he is showing me his arms and he says he has a celtic cross on his arm, so i ask to see it and hubby shows his too and damn if they dont both have the exact same cross! i got his from an art book! Joel has a tatoo'd wedding band, the claddaugh. I thought that was awesome, i have two of those rings. They are so cool finally people as in to the Irish culture as me, actually more so!
Any way, hubby seemed to really like everyone and find them to be pretty good people. I told him they were. so, many said, when we were leaving, Hey, see you at church! and hubby said yeah, so maybe just maybe, he will go to service from time to time with me? I would just love that so much. I want so much for us to all go together. that would be so wonderful. I am trying to make sure that i dont get so nutty about church this time. I want church to be uplifting and wonderful. I dont want it to be an obligation , or work, i dont want it to feel like a pain. I feel God so strongly in this church, it often brings tears to my eyes. It is often overwhelming. I just want that for my family. I want them to feel the joy i have when i am there. It fills every pore of my body with Joy and Love. i just want to share that with them. I dont know what it would feel like to them. but i would love to share that with them.
Anyway, i am knitting another black scarf. I have made one for my boss, but it isnt very long, and I think that she may want one long enough to wrap, so i am making another. It is very pretty and has this neat texture to it. I think she will like it. I hope so. I know i love it!
After i finish hers, i can work on the other ones, for Kay's dtr and the two for hubby's work and then i can make them for profit. well Kay's dtr is for profit too. so it is nice to think about the cash that i make off them. but the sheer pleasure from doing the actual knitting is so much more rewarding than the cash. i just love it. so relaxing as well.

Why do we gauge our memories by our kids ages?

ok, today is Christmas. Peace on earth, goodwill towards Man. It is wonderful. i have my family all together and i am content. My MIL was here, and i love her dearly. But needless to say, she has a few quirks in her personality that annoy me. For starters, my beloved is not her favorite son. It is hard for me to understand why, my husband, the one who is nearest to her, who slaves over her house, shows up no matter what, makes sure she has her meds, whatever, is not the favorite. The fact that he is the light of my life, that i am totally devoted to this man, is beside the point. Do not get me wrong, my BIL is a really nice guy. I like him, i am just really sure the sun doesnt rise and set on him. Anyway, while we sit here for the Holy day, we are treated to a blow by blow detailed description of the favorite childs life, his current life, his childhood, and the entire magic of his life. When we discussed her present from us, we somehow managed to bring that to the age of this son. When clowns came in the parade, on TV, she pointed out that those were also that son's fear, (my son fears or hates them) when we talked about schools, we discussed that son's schools, his house etc. I understand that she has these memories, and I think she misses him not being near for the Holy days, and such, and as his life is often a trainwreck, he is on her mind and heart alot, but come on! She was sitting in her other Son's house and all her memories were of the other. Why couldnt she , oh i dunno, mention that son's life, childhood, schools? Is it just me or is that not the tiniest bit RUDE? i also had hurt feelings for my hubby. How must it feel to know that one's own mom has so much devotion to the one who is the most screwed up? its kind of like hearing, "yeah, you got straight A's, way to go, but your brother is troubled and i have to ignore you now." it has to be harsh. I know, as a parent, we are all just doing the best we can and trying to get through the days. and some days we do better than others and some days we hope we don't screw things up too bad. I also know that as a parent, i adhere alot of dates to the ages of my kids or certain milestones of kids, "we moved into that house when K was walking" etc. but why is all her memories attached to only one kid? that seems so unfair and i am outraged on my hubby's behalf. It really pisses me off.

Now the other side to this whole day, my dear sweet sweet hubby got me a whole bag of yarn for Christmas! is he not the most wonderfullest sweetest sweetheart ever?
Also, last night, my entire family sat together in church. It was a hearts boldest dream come true. I was in the church i love so much, with my whole family. I was so happy. I cannot believe how happy that made me. i sat there trying not to actually cry cause it was so overwhelming. But it was wonderful. I would really really love it if he would go with me on a sunday from time to time too. Oh that would be so awesome. But i must not be greedy. I just want to go to church, find my peace with God and pray that one day, James will go and find that joy that i have found. that would be so amazing!!!!

what else, now that i am on a roll. I ate parts of dinner. i didnt get sick. it is good so far. I need to eat somemore yogurt for today. but it was nice to eat a few bits and not get sick. yay for progress.
I was thinking a few minutes ago about hubby. About how, when i was being created by God, he knew, that he had already made the most perfect person for me. He is such the perfect husband for me. he isnt perfect. just perfect for me. I am the luckiest, most happy person in the entire universe. I have this amazing hubby and these two great kids. i am so blessed.